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OT - When Insults Had Class

Reply from: Vickster
Date: 03 Jul 2008, 15:31
OT - When Insults Had Class

There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults
are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a
great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my
husband, I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd take
it.'

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: 'Sir, you will
either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends,
sir,' said Disraeli, 'On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'

'He had delusions of adequacy.' Walter Kerr

'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' Winston
Churchill

'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' Winston Churchill

'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.' Clarence Darrow

'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary.' William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
it.' Moses Hadas

'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'
Abraham Lincoln

'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it.' Mark Twain

'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' Oscar Wilde.

'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one.' George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one.' Winston Churchill, in response.

'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.'
Stephen Bishop

'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' John Bright

'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.'
Irvin S. Cobb

'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.'
Samuel Johnson

'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' Paul Keating

'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. Jack E.
Leonar

'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' Robert Redford

'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge.' Thomas Brackett Reed

'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.'
Charles, Count Telleyrand

'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' Forrest Tucker

'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?'
- Mark Twain

'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' Mae West

'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' Oscar
Wilde

'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather
than illumination.' Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' Billy Wilder

'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' Groucho Marx

 
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Reply from: DocTCW
Date: 03 Jul 2008, 16:37
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

Vickster----

You're fulla crap.

Tom
On Jul 3 2008 8:31 AM, Vickster wrote:

> There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults
> are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a
> great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!
>
> The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my
> husband, I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd take
> it.'
>
> Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: 'Sir, you will
> either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends,
> sir,' said Disraeli, 'On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'
>
> 'He had delusions of adequacy.' Walter Kerr
>
> 'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' Winston
> Churchill
>
> 'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' Winston Churchill
>
> 'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
> pleasure.' Clarence Darrow
>
> 'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
> dictionary.' William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
>
> 'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
> Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
>
> 'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
> it.' Moses Hadas
>
> 'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'
> Abraham Lincoln
>
> 'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
> of it.' Mark Twain
>
> 'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' Oscar Wilde.
>
> 'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
> friend.... if you have one.' George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
>
> 'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
> one.' Winston Churchill, in response.
>
> 'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.'
> Stephen Bishop
>
> 'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' John Bright
>
> 'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.'
> Irvin S. Cobb
>
> 'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.'
> Samuel Johnson
>
> 'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' Paul Keating
>
> 'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. Jack E.
> Leonar
>
> 'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' Robert Redford
>
> 'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
> knowledge.' Thomas Brackett Reed
>
> 'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.'
> Charles, Count Telleyrand
>
> 'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' Forrest Tucker
>
> 'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?'
> - Mark Twain
>
> 'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' Mae West
>
> 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' Oscar
> Wilde
>
> 'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather
> than illumination.' Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
>
> 'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' Billy Wilder
>
> 'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' Groucho Marx

-------- 
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Reply from: Vickster
Date: 03 Jul 2008, 16:53
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

On Jul 3 2008 10:37 AM, DocTCW wrote:

> Vickster----
>
> You're fulla crap.
>
> Tom


Thanks Tom...I'll add that one to the list....Vic

 
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Reply from: EVIL ELVIS
Date: 03 Jul 2008, 17:09
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

On Jul 3, 7:31 am, "Vickster" <a397...@webnntp.invalid> wrote:

> There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults
> are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a
> great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!

"To be's, or not to be's. That's the question. Fuhghetaboutit." --
Brooklyn Vinnie.


--EE--


Reply from: shirbut@aol,com
Date: 03 Jul 2008, 17:47
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

On Jul 3, 9:31=EF=BF=BDam, "Vickster" <a397...@webnntp.invalid> wrote:
> There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults
> are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a
> great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter word=
s!
>
> The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my
> husband, I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd tak=
e
> it.'
>
> Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: 'Sir, you will
> either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends,
> sir,' said Disraeli, 'On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress=
.'
>
> 'He had delusions of adequacy.' Walter Kerr
>
> 'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' Winsto=
n
> Churchill
>
> 'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' Winston Churchill
>
> 'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
> pleasure.' Clarence Darrow
>
> 'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
> dictionary.' William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
>
> 'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
> Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
>
> 'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
> it.' Moses Hadas
>
> 'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.=
'
> Abraham Lincoln
>
> 'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
> of it.' Mark Twain
>
> 'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' Oscar Wild=
e.
>
> 'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
> friend.... if you have one.' George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
>
> 'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
> one.' Winston Churchill, in response.
>
> 'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.'
> Stephen Bishop
>
> 'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' John Bright
>
> 'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.'
> Irvin S. Cobb
>
> 'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.'
> Samuel Johnson
>
> 'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' Paul Keating
>
> 'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. Jack E.
> Leonar
>
> 'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' Robert Redford
>
> 'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
> knowledge.' Thomas Brackett Reed
>
> 'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.'
> Charles, Count Telleyrand
>
> 'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' Forrest Tucker
>
> 'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?=
'
> - Mark Twain
>
> 'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' Mae West
>
> 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' Oscar
> Wilde
>
> 'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rathe=
r
> than illumination.' Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
>
> 'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' Billy Wilder
>
> 'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' Groucho Mar=
x
>
> _____________________________________________________________________=EF=
=BF=BD
> : the next generation of web-newsreaders : http :// www .recgroups,com

What a delightful posting, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Reply from: BartenderWJT
Date: 03 Jul 2008, 23:28
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

This post reminds me of a big guy at the poker tournament the other day...
He had on a TV that read:

I have the body of a God! (too bad it's buddha)



--
BartenderWJT-
The best way to "thank" a bartender is to not stiff them.
The best way to stiff a bartender is simply say "thanks."



Reply from: AlanRRT@aol,com
Date: 05 Jul 2008, 06:43
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

On Jul 3, 6:31 am, "Vickster" <a397...@webnntp.invalid> wrote:
> There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious insults
> are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a
> great portion of the English language was boiled down to four-letter words!
>
> The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my
> husband, I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd take
> it.'
>
> Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: 'Sir, you will
> either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends,
> sir,' said Disraeli, 'On whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'
>
> 'He had delusions of adequacy.' Walter Kerr
>
> 'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' Winston
> Churchill
>
> 'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' Winston Churchill
>
> 'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
> pleasure.' Clarence Darrow
>
> 'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
> dictionary.' William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
>
> 'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
> Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
>
> 'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
> it.' Moses Hadas
>
> 'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'
> Abraham Lincoln
>
> 'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
> of it.' Mark Twain
>
> 'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' Oscar Wilde.
>
> 'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
> friend.... if you have one.' George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
>
> 'Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
> one.' Winston Churchill, in response.
>
> 'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.'
> Stephen Bishop
>
> 'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' John Bright
>
> 'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.'
> Irvin S. Cobb
>
> 'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.'
> Samuel Johnson
>
> 'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' Paul Keating
>
> 'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. Jack E.
> Leonar
>
> 'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' Robert Redford
>
> 'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
> knowledge.' Thomas Brackett Reed
>
> 'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.'
> Charles, Count Telleyrand
>
> 'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' Forrest Tucker
>
> 'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?'
> - Mark Twain
>
> 'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' Mae West
>
> 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' Oscar
> Wilde
>
> 'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather
> than illumination.' Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
>
> 'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' Billy Wilder
>
> 'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' Groucho Marx
>
>  
> : the next generation of web-newsreaders : http :// www .recgroups,com

"I wouldn't say she was loose. I think the term today us 'user
friendly.'" Emo Philips

Reply from: Ian F.
Date: 05 Jul 2008, 11:31
Re: OT - When Insults Had Class

<AlanRRT@aol,com > wrote in message
news:e41b676c-9470-4a81-af0b-86326ae4196b@25g2000hsx.googlegroups,com ...

> "I wouldn't say she was loose. I think the term today us 'user
> friendly.'" Emo Philips

OK - here goes...

"The difference Between America and England is that Americans think 100
years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way."
(Anon)

"If there's one fault I find with the current century:
Too adventury.
What I'd really like is some dull monotony,
If anyone's gotony." (Ogden Nash)

"If there was a nuclear attack, LA is the best place to be: the morning
after, how would you know anything had happened?" (John Cleese)

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage." (James Holt McGavran)

"If you eat a lot of spicy food, you can damage your sense of taste. When
I was in India last year, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton."
(Jimmy Carr)

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day
always just exactly fits the newspaper." (Jerry Seinfeld)

"I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where
I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint and go to my sister's house
and ask her for money." (Kevin Meaney)

"I'm writing Madonna's biography. I think I'll call it 'Superstar? Jesus
Christ!'" (Barry Cryer)


"Why is it when you stand in the middle of a library and go
'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing
on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. " (Tim Vine)



"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I
think it's Colin." (Tim Vine)



"A fan club is a group of people who tell an actor he's not alone in the
way he feels about himself" (Jack Carson)



"He's so powerful he had final cut on his own circumcision!" (Robin
Williams, on Steven Spielberg)



++++++++++++++



Ian






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