THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:



A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is

finishing up her

shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly

wraps herself in a towel

and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there

stands Bob, the

next-door neighbor.



Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800

to drop that towel.'



After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel

and stands naked in

front of Bob.



After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.



The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back

upstairs. When she gets

to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'



'It was Bob, the next-door neighbor,' she replies.



'Great!' the husband says. 'Did he say anything about

the $800 he owes me?'





Moral of the story: If you share critical

information pertaining to credit

and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in

a position to prevent

avoidable exposure.





Lesson 2:

A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed

her legs, forcing her

gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an

accident. After controlling

the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.



The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'



The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he

let his hand slide up

her leg again.



The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'



The priest apologized, 'Sorry, Sister, but the flesh

is weak.'



Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and

went on her way.



On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to

look up Psalm 129. It

said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find

glory.'



Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in

your job,

opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.





Lesson 3:



A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager

are walking to lunch

when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a

Genie comes out.



The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the Admin clerk. 'I want

to be in the Bahamas ,

driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.



'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be

in Hawaii , relaxing

on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless

supply of Pina Coladas

and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.



'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.



The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office

after lunch.'



Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the

first say.





Lesson 4:



An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw

the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and

do nothing?'



The eagle answered, 'Sure , why not?'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and

rested. All of a

sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate

it.



Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,

you must be sitting

very, very high up.





Lesson 5:



A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to

be able to get to the

top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't

got the energy.'



'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?'

replied the bull.

'They're packed with nutrients.'



The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it

actually gave him enough

strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The

next day, after eating

some more dung, he reached the second branch.



Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly

perched at the top of

the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who

shot him out of the

tree.



Moral of the story: Bull s*** might get you to the

top, but it won't keep

you there.





Lesson 6:



A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was

so cold the bird

froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there,

a cow came b y and s*** on him.



As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,

he began to realize

how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him

out! He lay there all

warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.



A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to

investigate. Following the

sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of

cow dung, and promptly

dug him out and ate him.



Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who s***s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*** is your

friend.

(3) And when you're in deep s***, it's best to keep

your mouth shut!



THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

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Judity
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